Blanket Licking: Exfoliation for Your Tongue

Is your tongue feeling a little dull or dead?  Wish it was baby smooth like the days of your youth?  Rocco has a solution that will revive your aging tongue, and all it takes is a few licks of a blanket.

How does this amazing technique work?  Just follow these simple steps:

  1. Acquire a rough blanket.  This means you should avoid fleece and other soft fabrics and, instead, focus on wool.
  2. Lay face down on a bed, couch, or other comfortable flat surface, and place your head in front of the blanket.
  3. Extend your tongue to reach the blanket.  Ensure you can bend it backwards, nearly touching your chin—but don’t!  Move your tongue forward and lick the blanket slowly and sensually.  When finished, repeat this motion.
  4. Continue to lick the blanket until you can feel the dry, dead skin flaking away into the moist wool before you.
  5. When a numbness begins to overcome your tongue, give the blanket five more hard licks and call it a day.

Novice tongue exfoliators should start with one spot on the blanket, but as you gain knowledge and experience you can venture forth into further blanket-licking activities.  Eventually you’ll be able to skip the blankets entirely and lick couches, beds, pillows, and any type of upholstery you desire.

Need to exfoliate your tongue on the go?  Cloth car seats can do the trick.  If you’ve donned your car with leather, don’t fret!  Pick up a wool sample at your local fabric retailer for easy tongue exfoliation anywhere.

Got any tongue exfoliation techniques Rocco missed?  Share ’em in the comments!